Dear FPMT Family

Hello everyone of the dear FPMT family,

I have been extremely sick in bed for 21 days, but now slowly getting better. The doctor says i'm out of the danger zone. Thank you so much for all the support, love and kindness from everyone. It really has touched my heart and soul and has helped me to recover during these past few days. The infection has deeply affected my lungs, and lungs are very much linked to sadness. So thank you so much my dear family from the bottom of my heart for helping me breathe better, living in joy, and growing again with all of you.

Hello dear board members, Dharma and childhood friends, cherished sisters and brothers; I hope this letter finds you well.

I have known each board member since i was a child, and each of us have a very strong connection individually with each other. I have loved each of you deeply since a very young age, sisters and brothers. This will never change. I've been observing and co-living with each of you for many years.

I'm not sure the board could say the same about me as the board have barely really taken an interest in getting to know me or understand me in the past 4 decades. I have always been someone they needed to manage and control, instead of seeing me as a human being or even an asset for FPMT if you could say that. I must remind the board that i'm not a child anymore, and they are not my parents. This toxic misperception should change.

I have lived together with each and every member of this board in the past. Some more than others. So we can say that i have a lot of insight on different aspects of your personalities, behaviours and lifestyle.

I am very happy to address the situation as up to now everything has been happening behind closed doors and in a very vague and mysterious way. Many accusations have been thrown at me without any investigation, follow up or proof whatsoever. I've heard that a few people complained about me. But the board has not done anything to actually fact check, interview other people concerned, ask me any questions in the process or even get any evidence to come to the conclusions they arrived at in a very short period of time.

The board pounced on a few complaints, and made their own decisions with which they immediately accused me and moved forward with their style of oppressing any possibility to defend or protect myself. I think i have the right to be heard, and now finally in public this opportunity to speak out has made itself possible. I am immensely grateful for this chance after many decades of keeping silent, even though my intention was positive, i'm not sure it was the right decision. Either way now the time has come to address all of these aspects i have been struggling with in general throughout my life. So i would like to thank the board and the people who have helped me arrive at this place of clarity and mutual accountability.

I would like to start from the beginning to shed some light on the past and present situations as well as putting everything in context. I'm very glad that finally we can speak in public now which will encourage us to be much more transparent and accountable in every possible aspect.

First of all i would like the board to address exactly what statements they claim that are factually incorrect or misguided. I feel exactly the same from my side about them. The double standards of the board, and the past 5 months of detrimental communication have not been addressed properly by them, which has been extremely frustrating and painful for me in general. There has been conveniently no follow up whatsoever. I believe many other people have had this similar type of experience as well in the past in other different situations.

I must start from the beginning around early November 2024 where we had a few meetings that have been recorded and i would be happy to share those recordings in order for more clarity if necessary.

Of course it may appear that there are divisions and rifts but i truly feel it is a very positive process in which finally there can be more transparency and accountability from both sides.

Personally i feel it is time to be more aware of our connection and karmic responsibility as disciples of the same Gurus: H.H. the Dalai Lama and Lama Zopa Rimpoche are both our precious dearest gurus, and we are all their disciples. Therefore my intention is not at all to create division, totally on the contrary; my deep wish is to be able to have better communication, and for the board to finally take responsibility for many many matters which have been kept in the dark and hidden from the public throughout the decades. Now is an amazing opportunity to bring unity and clarity to many different aspects of the culture and style in the way the FPMT organization is run by the board.

The board has never organized a tour in any center up to date for me, it has always been the individual centers from their own side who would invite me personally and join with other centers for travel expenses and logistics where my talks would take place. I am incredibly grateful for those connections and it has always been a heartfelt welcome when i've met the amazing and wonderful people who work so hard and tirelessly without any self-interests for the benefit of the FPMT organization and its family as a whole. These hard working exceptional people are the F of the foundation. They are the ones who need to be appreciated, valued and taken care of.

As we know it has always been a wish of Lama Zopa Rinpoche for me to be able to talk about Dharma and offer my understanding and experience in a simple form that people can relate to in general. Rinpoche always encouraged me to give teachings in FPMT centers since i was a young child. But somehow the board came to the conclusion recently (after the passing away of Rimpoche) that Rimpoche said i should only give secular talks in FPMT centers. I have no idea how that conclusion was made. Rinpoche wanted me to continue receiving teachings and studying Dharma. I have followed Rimpoche's advice and been receiving teachings from Geshe Tenzin Namdak in the past years. I am still following that advice and studying under the guidance of Geshe Tenzin Namdak going through the list of texts Lama Zopa Rimpoche told me to study and receive teachings from Geshela today.

I must say that my relationship with the board in general has become a bit toxic since i resigned from being an FPMT board member in 2011. The only peaceful way to protest the disappointment of dynamics i experienced first hand. What i saw and lived at the time i was a board member was quite shocking in general. The structure of power, the manipulations, the lack of transparency, very little accountability, not much culture of appreciation, as well as the lack of ethics and hypocrisy really disturbed me, and i did not feel it was adequate to speak out about this at that time. I also kindly asked to be taken out of the teachers list because i felt there were other teachers in the list that had no ethics and were very unqualified to be on that list. I felt i did not want to represent this kind of culture and it really bothered me to be in that situation. I cannot tolerate or condone this type of behaviour and activity, especially being the living representative of Lama Yeshe today.

That having been said let me now move to the last meeting the board had with me. After some accusations were made in the year 2024 by certain individuals in a very biased way, the board did not do any investigation or even have factual proof. They wanted to meet me and speak to me about their "proposition".

The board first offered me therapy, as from their understanding i am the problem, not them. They don't want to take responsibility or any type of accountability for the disastrous childhood i had to live under their supervision. A few board members today were present in the board at that time already and are directly responsible for many decisions made around my destiny in which my mother, father or myself had no jurisdiction whatsoever. Here i have to explain that my education and childhood have been very chaotic and unstructured without any consideration for the innocent child i was. I was forced to tour FPMT centers since the age of 2, separated from my family, traveling with strangers who kept changing until the age of 6. After that i studied in the monastery till the age of 18. Those years were amazing as i was able to spend time with my dearest teacher Genla, Khensur Gendun Choephel. The kindness of my Gurus H.H. the Dalai Lama, Lama Zopa Rimpoche and Genla have always inspired me to understand the teachings of the Buddha and the philosophy of life of which they are the shining example of. My teacher Genla was the only stable person who was present in my entire childhood. Thanks to him i must say i was able to keep my sanity and hope during those long challenging years.

The board decided to offer me "therapy" a help imposed with their own conditions, because they felt that was the best way to oppress me while using my own empathy against me, this really took me by surprise. It has been 20 years since i left the monastery and during that time i've had to deal with my own struggles alone. The inconsistent emotional stability and isolation i had to endure most of my childhood has affected me. I don't blame anyone for that, it's my karma and learning process. I have been doing 15 years of therapy myself with various professionals and continue doing so today. I have many more years still to conclude my healing process. I feel i can be a tool and instrument to help others in a similar process, so i'm happy i have that opportunity and gladly accept this process and purpose. I do it with great pleasure and joy. I know i have the potential to benefit many sentient beings through the learning and understanding i am gaining with time. So i was very glad when the board suddenly wanted to offer me therapy and "help". My first reaction was deep joy, but then i realized their agenda. The "therapy" they offered was basically forcing me to disappear into a rehab center for 7 months without really taking into consideration the fact that i have a son that needs me and that i dont need rehab at all whatsoever. It is ridiculous.

As a child there never really was anyone there who protected me and accompanied me through those long years of hardship. My teacher Genla did his best but i would only be able to spend a few hours with him as he had thousands of disciples to take care and teach.

So being there for my son at all times is a huge priority for me which the board is not able to see. Basically, accepting their idea for me to go to rehab is very tricky and sneaky. If i accepted to let them put me in rehab, as a result it would radically change the public perception of me and make it official. I would become a mentally unstable person who is struggling with addiction. That would stay with me the rest of my life in the public view. And this is very very far from the truth. It may be their convenient truth but i can guarantee it has nothing to do with who i am. And people close to me can confirm this. To be there for my son at all times is something the board does not understand, they don't really have the interest to take care of children's welfare. I can speak from my own experience as a child. Of course when i realized the "help" they were offering was completely conditional i inmediatly began to doubt their intentions. This carrot and stick game they have has been a common pattern with me.

The next suggestion they made was that i had to accept their proposition and while i was in the process of "therapy" i had to cancel all my public activities indefinitely until i was completely healed to their satisfaction. At that time i had no other choice than to say politely i would think about it. It did pass my mind though: Maybe there could be some benefit after all, in learning about this process of rehab. I thought maybe there can be some benefit in learning about and educating myself on how rehab works. Lama Zopa Rimpoche in the past did mention to me that i could help people by creating healing centers for addiction and that it would be very beneficial. I'm always open to learning and having new experiences in order to be able to help others improve their lives.

Now we get to the actual facts and details of the board's dynamics. The board wanted me to cancel my tour, they wanted to even cancel the HAK retreats which are not even FPMT related. HAK is Habit Alignment Key Retreat. HAK is under the Universal Clear Light umbrella, not FPMT. They did not care about the fact that we had been preparing the retreat for 6 months and that many people had bought international tickets to attend the HAK retreat in Tepotzlan, Mexico. I felt that was extremely inconsiderate from their side, as they have said that the retreats lack any kind of actual Dharma and that it is strictly secular. If they had taken any interest in actually informing themselves they would have known that every HAK always has a Geshe or qualified teacher of Dharma giving deep teachings about Emptiness and Compassion. For me it is very important always to have a representative of the Nalanda tradition in every HAK together with other professionals who speak about neuroscience and quantum mechanics as well as many other aspects.

I explained to the board i cannot cancel the tour as many people had already committed themselves. So finally we mutually agreed that starting January 2025 i would stop giving talks in FPMT and begin this "therapy" they had proposed. This was the last meeting i had with the board.

Now i'm going to go into details, actual facts and dates. On November 20th, while preparing the HAK in Mexico three days before we began this retreat, i received a letter from the board telling me they were cutting the funds Lama Zopa Rinpoche kindly committed himself to give me for the stability of my son's life and mine. Cutting my funds had never been on the table and had never been discussed in front of me before. Their assumption/accusation was that i had spent some of that money for weed and alcohol. There is absolutely no proof to back that up and i can guarantee that i have never spent any of the money that Lama Zopa Rimpoche offered me on anything else than what it was intended for. I explained this to the board but once again, they did not care. They had made their decision.

So three days before i began the HAK retreat i was thrown into a difficult reality where i did not understand how they could act like that with such impunity and change Lama Zopas decisions without any previous warning. Either way i turned off the phone and focused on offering the best possible experience for all the HAK participants. The retreat went superbly well and everyone was overjoyed by the result. I was extremely pleased to see the transformation, unity and evolution from all the participants. The result was very positive and i felt i was on the right path. After that i had a talk in the FPMT center of Guadalajara. The board sent right before i traveled for this next commitment a letter to all center directors, explaining that i was mentally unstable and that i was using drugs and they recommended for the centers to cancel any invitations they had made. I have offered numerous times to the board to do whatever drug tests they would like me to do but they have completely ignored this. I am 100% clean and i can prove it anytime. I currently don't do drugs or even drink a drop of alcohol. In the past i have attended Ayahuasca ceremonies but this is a personal private matter with the abuelita and myself. The board even got Francois Lecointre, Chief Operating Officer (COO) and Designated Protection Person (safeguarding officer) of FPMT to personally call the center directors and convince them to cancel my talks. Their reasoning was so vague that none of the directors accepted their proposition. The talks went ahead and were very successful. Many new people joined the talks and everyone enjoyed participating. Next was Cozumel and the center there is not even FPMT affiliated but the board still insisted for them to cancel my talk and contacted someone close to the director to convince her to cancel.  The talk went smoothly and everyone enjoyed the event. Even after the agreement the board made with me "allowing" me to talk in FPMT centers until the tour was finished, they were doing these things behind my back. I felt completely betrayed.

December came and of course they had not sent the monthly income they normally send by the 3rd of each month. A dear friend and the CEO of UCL (Universal Clear Light) Katrina Robertson, negotiated with them for 7 days. They eventually actually realized it was quite unethical for them to cut my funds from one day to another without any kind of previous warning. So on the 11th of December they sent their last wire transfer to me while i was in Bogota at the center. I had committed to giving two talks at the Yamantaka center. I had been requested to give an interpretation of the book by Lama Yeshe "being your own therapist". It was very inspiring to do it. So the first talk went very well, then a day before the second talk the FPMT board sent another letter, in Tibetan this time to all the Geshes of FPMT explaining that i'm not welcome in FPMT, that i'm unstable and that i criticise Lama Zopa Rimpoche. Of course this is not true at all. Even though i have not agreed with many aspects of the running of the organization, for me Lama Zopa Rimpoche is my dear Guru and it is completely ridiculous to even fathom for anyone to doubt his amazing vision and skill in leading the organization. Of course the way his leadership is interpreted by certain individuals is questionable. That is another story which i will not get into at this time. The second talk at Yamantaka Bogota FPMT center went very well and everyone was very happy. I was very grateful for the positive result and input i received. That was the last talk i gave in the FPMT up to date. I kept my promise of not stepping in any more FPMT centers after January.

The way the board handled this whole process of my tour for me was very very painful and really made it hard and affected me deeply while on tour. But i was able to do what i had committed myself to, and the result was very positive, so this gave me a lot of satisfaction and peace of mind.

The board has never really given me any credit in general whatsoever. They have always been critical about anything i do or say. They have never supported or contributed in my projects. On the contrary they have tried to create obstacles and block my efforts of creating new ways to reach and benefit people.

I am very grateful for the support and help the board claims to have given me, but i must say this always came from Lama Zopa Rimpoche and the hard working individuals in the FPMT mandala who tirelessly offer their service unconditionally and voluntarily. The board themselves have always been divided in actually being supportive and protective of me. Once Rimpoche passed away this has become more obvious than ever.

The alarming behaviour the board claims about me is completely biased and out of context, and the few people who have complained about me are the only ones the board listened to. And i really don't understand why, because this unilateral handling of complaints is so unfair and unethical. It is not at all how one should investigate to get to the truth. It is 100% one-sided only, considered as "proof" or a "report". It surprises me because the current CEO of FPMT, Roger Hayward Mier (his real name) has always been repeating again and again to me that the two sides of any story should always be heard. So the fact that he does not even follow his own advice is very awkward.

They never actually interviewed or spoke with anyone else involved or close to those situations. Had they followed up better and investigated closer they would have understood the circumstances and the actual facts of what took place. I never had a real chance of defending myself at all. It is almost like a dictatorship court. As the reincarnation of our dearest Lama Thubten Yeshe, i really can't approve any of these methods at all. In a way i do feel responsible for the ethics inside the board. Even though i extensively wrote a long letter addressing every single accusation they made with an explanation and actual facts with proof, they completely discarded everything i said and their answer was a simple: We are glad that you recognize you have a problem and we offer you a solution which is to accept the one way solution of "therapy" locked in a rehab center with no contact with the outside world for a prolonged period of time which they will decide.

I have already been committed for 17 years in the monastery to which i am very grateful, as it has made me who i am and it was very fulfilling for me and enriched me with knowledge, culture and experience. But i'm 40 years old today and i'm not willing to be bullied into submission for them to have the gratification of being my "guardians" or "parents" and telling people they are offering me "help" and "support". But see where all this logic goes: If i reject this offer then i'm left on the streets with no real stable income and having to take care of my son without the means to do so until i rebuild my life. And that's exactly where i am today. I choose my freedom and the right to live with my son, whatever the price to pay. They agreed to continue Lama Zopa Rimpoche's commitment of sending me monthly income again; BUT only when THEY would feel i was "repaired" to their satisfaction. So under the condition that i accepted their indefinite long term "therapy", would they "kindly" come to any agreement with me whatsoever.

They went even further afterwards. The FPMT board promised to pay my rent, which a few weeks later they decided without any reason to take back. They told me they would not pay for my rent and i don't really understand why they changed their mind. But i'm used to them giving their word and then taking it back. It's part of the "culture" and dynamics they seem to be comfortable with. It's the way they "handle" situations. The board offered to pay separately the private school fees. I had to negotiate myself personally with the treasurer of Norbu's private school so that there would be no issues. Still today after four months the payments to the school have not been made. To tell the truth, a certain member of the board suggested to me that i should take him to public school in the middle of the school term. That clearly shows a lack of understanding about a child's emotional stability. If i changed Norbu's school in the middle of the term he would have to suddenly completely lose all his current friends and be tossed into a totally different class with kids who already know each other; but he would be the stranger having to adapt to a whole new environment. This of course is not their concern. But i'm used to this type of "leadership" style. My son's education is of utmost importance to me. I am responsible for him and i will do anything to protect him in any necessary way. Even though January and part of February was very difficult for me due to a lack of funds to be able to offer Norbu everything he needs including a stable place to stay, food, clothes, gas for transport to school and back etc. I was literally moving from place to place spending a few days at friends and families homes. I did not want to stay too long as i understand each home has their way of functioning and i don't like to be a guest that takes advantage of their welcoming nature. In middle of winter, i had to stay at cheap hotels and airbnbs in dangerous and sketchy neighbourhoods and a few nights even spent in the car. I also began to eat one meal a day to save money which made my body weak due to a lack of minerals, vitamins and protein. That was part of the cause for me falling sick as well as the depression and sadness in my heart due to the injustice i had to live.

Some people may say i should get a job, and i answer to that. I have been literally working since age 2 generating money for the organization. I have never stopped studying or working to this day. Today some of my income comes from HAK retreats. December was the last HAK i participated in. At this time i'm looking to find odd jobs for the income i need to support myself and my son. I'm so grateful for the donations people have and want to offer to me this week after Daniel and Anouk kindly spoke out about my condition and current hardships. I will continue to work in different ways and now more than ever, as I'm rebuilding my entire life in order to be able to offer a stable childhood for my son. He is my priority and i will do anything to protect him and accompany him through this precious time in his life.

Luckily some very close friends of mine decided to help me to pay rent and i was able to pay for a small house from mid February until June 30th when Norbu's school term ends. So between July and September i would improvise again but it's ok as my life has been a roller coaster of unstable experiences. In September Norbu's school starts again and i will have to find another place to stay. This time a more stable location. Of course i want to offer the best to my son but he adapts very well and i can say that he is very happy and healthy and has a wonderful childhood. He has emotional stability, a great education and his mother is always there for him. I am so grateful to the mother of Norbu, Indila Dora Amaral. We have been a good team even though we have had our differences and difficulties as a couple. We have always made a priority the welfare of our son. She is a great woman with many amazing qualities as a mother. I am very happy with the way she educates and takes care of Norbu.

At the time Lama Zopa Rimpoche was with us there never was any actual serious "concerns" about my behaviour from what i know. Rinpoche always protected me and was very supportive. The board may deny this or have their own personal interpretation. On the other hand, from my perspective and i think many people would agree with me, i'm sure that our precious Guru Lama Zopa Rimpoche would never ever have allowed or condoned this to happen to me while being alive.

As everyone knows my reputation is not in my hands, one day it will be up, another day it may be down. I dont really give much importance to that as most people who know me see and understand. For me the most important aspect in respect to this; is my character. This is under my control and of course i have always tried my best to be kind and authentic, to be transparent and accountable. I am learning and improving every day, there is always much to learn. But i am very sensitive in general and things affect me a lot, especially when it comes from people i love and cherish who i trust and believe in.

If we talk about how donations and money has been used in the past it is very questionable with a huge lack of transparency how the donations in FPMT have been managed. The money offered to the organization by kind donors should be used ethically, and in accordance with the principles of Dharma. This is something that concerns me greatly. I have witnessed in the past decades that this has not been followed through by the CEO and board members in FPMT. So the fact that they are challenging my ethics and questioning me brings everything to the table.

I feel now the time has come to actually put things in context. The board has not been following their own rules in numerous situations where they have not had any ethics, accountability, transparency or even professional behaviour. They are free to do whatever they want, as the structure of the organization is set up so that nobody can question their methods. They are the representatives of the Guru but there is nobody really to follow up, fact checking, overseeing and accompanying professionally all the activities and unilateral decisions of the current CEO and his personal secretary Holly Ansett.

I have observed during these past decades countless situations that made no sense to me, which nobody could question at all. I have studied and finished a course on organizational behaviour in the past. So i do have some understanding on how non-profit organizations should work. For example, there could be a rotation of the board members. It would benefit everyone so much in a very healthy way, in every aspect by avoiding and cutting through any kind of attachment to power and influence. H.H. the Dalai Lama kindly pointed out various times to everyone that He likes democracy. This should be a pillar of FPMT culture and dynamics.

My personal life has always been public and i have nothing to hide. Therefore i have asked numerous times to know and understand better what the board is accusing me of. They still continue to be vague and secretive even with me, claiming they need to protect the people who are complaining and don't want to give me details. They are very used to just oppressing people and bullying them into submission because they are close to the Guru and they interpret the Guru's wishes and vision by themselves. I have attempted to understand better but even i am not well informed of what i might have done myself.

Behind their claims of protecting me they don't want to risk speaking out about sensitive matters concerning my personal life. I have nothing to hide and i would be very happy to give explanations, to apologise, "mend" my ways, improve as a person, follow the Guru's advice and continue to work in challenging myself every day. But that is not apparently the issue at hand. My intention is never to divide or create misunderstandings. Completely on the contrary i feel this whole process is bringing unity and clarity to many aspects of the organization that have been kept secret and hidden from the general public. This i feel should begin to change as we the people have a right also to be privy to the dynamics and style of the leadership and decision making of the individuals at the top of this pyramid and draconian rulership. This whole situation may seem distressing at this moment, but i have been in a very distressing situation my entire life, and there has been a lot of conflict within me as i always want the best for everyone. This is one of the strong foundations of my Buddhist education, it is part of my principles and moral code. Being a people pleaser, i'm beginning to realise that altruism without self compassion is unbalanced and can even be harmful to oneself and others.

It is absolutely imperative that people don't generalize and think this has anything to do with our precious Gurus. They are in every way dedicated to sentient beings and the benefit of the people. We cannot speak about the Gurus. We have no right to really question their abilities as we dont understand their vision. We only have a conventional aspect through our own ignorance. So truly this whole shenanigan is between the board members and myself. I don't want anybody to take sides or create any division whatsoever. We are all disciples of the same Gurus, and we all strive to follow their advice and make their wishes reality.

This really comes down to the samsaric aspect of our struggles within our limitations and lack of proper communication. There is a lot of arrogance from the people close to the Gurus who feel entitled to interpret the Gurus' advice without allowing others to have an opinion. It is a one way street where everyone has to be subservient to their interpretation without questioning their imposition.

The board claims they care deeply for me but their actions do not go with their words. What they say and what they do are two completely different things. I'm speaking from my own experience. Others may challenge this or disagree with me. I am happy for any constructive criticism and am always willing to recognize if i'm wrong or made a mistake. Those who don't make mistakes are asleep. As Lama Yeshe would say, just do! Also as Lama Yeshe would say "if you do not make mistakes, you are doing nothing".

Please refrain from creating any division. We are a family and disciples of the same Gurus. We work together to improve the well being of sentient beings and i implore everyone to please always act and speak with kindness with a positive constructive intention at all times.

During these Fifteen Days of Miracles, we pray for harmony, peace and unity within the entire FPMT organization and family. For all obstacles within this organisation to be removed. For FPMT to become a healthy, transparent, accountable and true heart organisation without delay. We also pray for the world and the current situations around the globe taking place. Many people are suffering and things are in a strange situation. Let us take this opportunity to pray and take action for the collective consciousness of humanity to vibrate in a higher frequency so that everyone on this Earth can have a better, more meaningful life and their quality of life and welfare can improve. Less stress, less fear, less attachment, more joy, more stability in every aspect and that the human race can join in a harmonic embrace where we all help each other overcome obstacles and move in the direction of a spiritual and loving family. Thank you so much everyone for making this happen.

Love you all infinitely always. <3